A Gift For The Youth (Download PDF)
By Dr. Shabeeb Rizvi
|Title||:||A Gift for the Youth|
|Author||:||Dr. Shabeeb Rizvi|
|Earlier Printed By||:||Baitul Hamd Publications|
|Reprinted By||:||Ja’fari Propagation Centre
94, AsmaManzil, Room No. 10, Bazar Road, Opp. Khoja Masjid, Bandra (W),
Mumbai – 400050.Tel.: 2642 5777.
E-mail: [email protected],
Preface to the First Edition 4
Islam’s Emphasis on Marriage. 6
A Relationship of Mutual Love. 10
A Woman’s Rights over Her Husband. 18
The Importance of Helping One’s Wife in Domestic Works. 20
Consequence of Ill Behaviour With the Family Members. 24
Husband’s Rights Over His Wife. 25
The Importance of Obeying One’s Husband. 27
Strictures Against Foul Language. 29
Some Fiqhi Laws – A Discussion. 34
Preface to the First Edition
All praise belongs to the Lord of the worlds, Who created us from a male and a female and divided us in groups and tribes so that we may know each other. Also, a million thanks to His Proof, Hazrat Imam Mahdi (a.t.f.s.) who does not neglect our affairs and is not forgetful of our remembrance.
One need not be a well-informed person for knowing the degeneration of morals in our society. Introduction of sex education in schools at a very young age and satellite television with all its filth has made matters worse. Considering the horrible situation, one is left aghast to see the reluctance of parents in their children married at the appropriate time. The most common excuses that are cited are, ‘They are not yet independent’, ‘They are not earning’, etc. Such sentences stink of faithlessness in Allah, the Almighty, Who has promised sustenance to each and every one of His creatures. It is nobody’s case that the youngster must get married and sit at home, waiting for the sustenance from the heavens. Rather, he must work hard, pray and leave the rest to his Lord.
I am highly grateful to Marhoom Sheikh Ismail Rajabi (r.a.) who constantly exhorted youngsters to get married at a young age and even wrote a booklet on the topic.
Also, I owe my thanks to my young friend, Ali Reza Mithwani, who took down the notes and typed this book. Without his co-operation, it would not have been possible for me to complete this humble work.
Lastly, I am thankful to all those who have directly or indirectly helped me in this brief work. All praise be to Allah.
Islam’s Emphasis on Marriage
The institution of marriage has been given tremendous importance in Islam. Generally, in terms of jurisprudence, it is highly recommended, but in many cases due to extraordinary circumstances, it becomes obligatory and a religious duty. For instance, marriage becomes obligatory when there is a chance of adultery or any other similar sin. Thus, the Holy Quran commands:
“And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and female slaves. If they are needy, Allah will make them needless out of His Grace…”
For one’s life to be pleasurable and successful, animal instincts play a very important and vital role. This instinct, due to its severity, is considered to be very strong and powerful. If not directed properly it can create a tremendous turmoil among both men and women. The institution of marriage is such that it leads to immediate attraction and both the spouses try to gain utmost pleasure from each other. With their close relationship, they extinguish the flames of passion burning within them.
From the beginning of humanity till date, the issue of husband and wife and their relationship has been a matter of debate. In the congregations of the theologians as well as the knowledgeable, extreme and moderate views have been presented.
Some philosophies viewed conjugal relationship with jaundiced eyes and considered it to be abominable and detestable. They even initiated movements to crush the institution of marriage. Sigmund Freud and his followers were among those who were highly critical of restrictions in matters related to sex. In this brief treatise, we do not intend to condemn these extreme views; rather, our aim is to present a pure Islamic concept of marriage and conjugal relationship for the benefit of our readers.
It should be known that leading among those who held the moderate opinion in this regard were the Divine Prophets (a.s.). While on one hand, they advised their followers to get married and lead a normal married life, on the other hand, they restrained them from indulging in immoral indulgences destructible for them as well as the society. They informed them of the evils of an immoral society.
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) paid considerable attention to the basic instinct of the human being. He (s.a.w.a.) admonished his followers to lead a good married life and warned them of the dire consequences of remaining a bachelor. Hence, on one occasion he proclaimed.
“Whoever loves my nature, will follow my traditions and among my traditions is marriage.”
On yet another occasion, he said,
“The best people of my nation (Ummat) are those who marry and choose their spouses. The worst people of my nation are those who (deliberately) keep away from marriage and pass their lives as bachelors/spinsters.”
To achieve a successful life, Islam has prescribed for both men and women to lead a normal married life and to satisfy each other’s physical, sensual and spiritual desires. All these are to be achieved by staying within the framework of laws as provided by Islam. But, at the same time, they dissuaded them from any deviation from the natural path. Anyone, who treads this path after being aware of it, is now called as a transgressor and a sinner before the Almighty. As the Holy Quran states:
“And whoever goes beyond this limit then (indeed) they are the transgressors.”
Interestingly, the Holy Quran and traditions have dealt with the institution of marriage from various aspects. For each aspect, some verses and narrations have been cited. To maintain the brevity of this treatise, we shall quote only a few of these verses and traditions.
To continue the process of reproduction and protection and continuation of humanity, the institution of marriage is the natural instinctive demand of each individual.
The families that come into existence due to the union of these two individuals and their offspring are considered to be pure and clean. These offspring also fill the void caused by the passing away of the earlier generation.
Thus, humanity is protected from extinction due to this great institution. The Holy Quran states:
“Your women are your fields. Then go unto your fields as you wish.”
In another verse, Allah the Almighty says:
“And Allah has made spouses for you from among yourself and from your spouses he creates offspring and beloveds for you.”
In both these verses, the institution of marriage is viewed from the angle of protection of humanity and its saviour from extinction. In the first verse, man’s sperm is likened to a seed which has the ability to make things grow while the women are likened to a field which possesses the capability to let seeds be sown in it. In the next verse, reproduction is hinted as a consequence of the world of creation in which offspring are produced due to the conjugal relationship between man and his wife.
A Relationship of Mutual Love
Although the flames of desire are extinguished by the conjugal relationship between a husband and a wife; yet if there exists a relationship of mutual love and understanding which is quite natural if they care for each other, then a new kind of warmth will be created between the two. Both of them will enjoy their lives to the hilt, basking under the rays of affection and care.
The Holy Quran has drawn attention to this emotional relationship which exists between husband and wife as it clearly states:
“And among his signs is that he has created spouses from among yourself so that you may rest in them and initiate love and mercy among all of you.”
As one matures physically, desires make their way in the individual and gradually both girls and boys are attracted to each other. This natural and undirected emotion gradually seeks solace in whatever possible form. Unfortunately more often than not it results in the youngsters deviating from the right path and indulging in some unwanted and undesired habits. Before becoming victims of ill-directed lust, it is better for them to get married and settle down. Therefore, the leaders of Islam have advised their followers to follow this most important Sunnah. As the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) states:
“O youths, whosoever among you can marry he should do so because marriage protects your eyes (from indulging in sin by looking lustily at others) and privacy.”
Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) narrates that
One day, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) went on the pulpit and said, “O people! Jibraeel has brought unto me a divine command stating that girls are like fruits from a tree. If they are not plucked in time then they get rotten by the rays of the sun and a slight blow of the wind will result in their falling down from the tree. Similarly, when girls attain maturity, then like other women they develop physical emotions and there is no cure for it except her husband. If they are not married, prevention of character corruption becomes a remote possibility because after all they are human beings and no human is free from vice.”
The Holy Quran has talked about the chastity and fidelity of both the husband and wife in the following verse:
“They (your wives) are dress for you and you are a dress for them.”
A dress conceals ones defects and hides what should be concealed. Moreover, it also acts as a protector from various infections which can arise due to the body being uncovered. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) says,
“Whoever desires that he should meet his Lord in a pure and clean state, he should seek for himself a lawful wife and make provisions of chastity and modesty for himself.”
To sum it up, the divine guides (a.s.) on the one hand dissuade their followers from indulging in adultery and other extremities. On the other hand, they admonish them and emphasize to get married and settle down in life. They have even gone to the extent of stating that marriage is one of the best divine traditions. This concept has been explained very clearly in the following tradition of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.):
“No foundation of Islam is as beloved and as mighty as the foundation and institution of marriage.”
In yet another tradition from Mustadrak al-Wasaael, it is narrated that
“When a youngster marries early in his youth, Shaitaan cries out of desperation and says, Alas! This person has protected one third of his religion, now he will protect the remaining two thirds also.”
A person named Akkaaf came to the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.), who asked him, “Do you have a wife?” He replied, “No, O Messenger of God.” The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) enquired again, “Do you want to improve the safety of your body and increase your wealth?” He answered, “Certainly”. Then the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) admonished him to get married and made him fear the consequences of not doing so. Later, he (s.a.w.a.) proclaimed,
“O Akkaaf! Woe unto you, get married, get married because now you are enumerated among the sinners. Get married otherwise you will be counted among the deviated ones. Get married otherwise you will be listed among the Christian priests. Get married otherwise you will be named among the brethren of Shaitaan.”
Imam Reza (a.s.) narrates that a lady asserted before Imam Baqir (a.s.) that, “I am a Motabattela.” Imam Baqir (a.s.) asked her, “What do you mean by that?” She answered, “I have decided that I will never marry.” Imam (a.s.) enquired from her the reason for her decision. She replied, “To go higher in the stages and levels of perfection.” Imam Baqir (a.s.) retorted,
“Take your decision with justice. If remaining a spinster was a matter of greatness, Hazrat Fatimah Zahra (s.a.) deserved it much more than you. There is no lady who can exceed her in any of the excellences.”
Once, some companions of Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) had forsaken conjugal relations, eating food during the day-time and sleeping at night and considered them as forbidden for themselves in order to attain purification of soul, spiritual heights and divine satisfaction. When Umm al-Momeneen Umm Salmah (s.a.) was informed of this strange attitude, she in turn informed the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.), who went to them and asked,
“Have you left your wives and turned your faces away from them? I am your Prophet. I go near my wives, eat during the day, sleep during the night and whoever turns away from my Sunnah, he is not from me.”
To get a good, modest and chaste wife is among the good fortunes and good luck of a person according to the leaders of Islam and is also considered as one of the sources by which the religion of a person can be protected. They have conveyed this message quite often that the worship of a married person is much more significant and important before Allah than that of a bachelor or a spinster.
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) says:
“Among the good fortunes of a man is to have a good wife.”
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) narrates from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) that he said,
“Those believers, who marry, protect half of their religion from danger.”
In yet another tradition, Imam Sadiq (a.s.) says,
“Two units of a married person are better than seventy units of an unmarried one.”
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) once said,
“Whoever marries, protects half of his religion, then for the remaining half he must only fear God.”
The sixth Imam, Imam Sadiq (a.s.) says,
“A sleeping married man is better than a fasting unmarried one.”
The Messenger of Islam (s.a.w.a.) said,
“Do not marry a woman for the following four reasons: Wealth, beauty, ancestry and lust. It is obligatory upon you to marry a woman on account of her religion.”
In yet another tradition, the Messenger of Islam (s.a.w.a.) has prohibited his followers from marrying a beautiful woman from a disgraceful background.
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) narrates from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.),
“Refrain from marrying foolish women for surely their company is a calamity and their offspring are imbeciles.”
A man named, Husain Ibn Bushar al-Waaseti, once wrote to the eighth Imam, Imam Reza (a.s.) that “One lady from my clan intends to marry me but is very ill-behaved.” Imam (a.s.) replied,
“If she is really ill-behaved, then never marry her.”
In one tradition the Holy Prophet of Islam (s.a.w.a.) has said,
“Never give your daughter to a drunkard in matrimony.”
This problem (of not giving daughters to drunkards) was considered so important by Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) that Imam Sadiq (a.s.) declared,
“A woman, who marries a drunkard, has committed sins equal to the number of stars in the sky and any child born out of this unison is unclean. Allah will not accept any of her acts be they obligatory or a recommended until and unless her husband dies or releases her from the bond of this marriage.”
The sacred contract of marriage, which is the most pleasurable according to the laws of nature, has not absolved men and women of their responsibilities in this holy relationship. It has tied man and his wife in the chain of conjugal rights. It scrapped all those laws prevalent in the period of ignorance and found in extremes in other civilization by which a woman would become a pawn in her husband’s hands. Islam advised them to take their marriage seriously, fulfill their responsibilities and pay appropriate attention to each other’s rights so that their offspring would be saved from destruction in the cesspool of corruption and depravation.
A Woman’s Rights over Her Husband
The principle duty of a man is to provide food, clothing, shelter and all other basic needs of his wife according to his ability and capacity. All this should be done with love and kindness by which their relationship will blossom and become stronger. He should always support his wife with courage and bravery so that she feels a sense of security. Also, he must guard her chastity and modesty, while overlooking her minor faults and errors which are inevitable. As Mulla Mohsin Faiz Kashani (r.a.) in his book ‘Al-Waafi’ in the chapter of ‘A Woman’s right over her husband’ writes that it is narrated from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) that some people enquired from him regarding the rights of a wife over her husband. He (s.a.w.a.) answered,
“He should overlook her minor faults and if she commits a major one, then he should forgive her.”
We all know that human life is not confined to food and drinks. Rather love, affection and sacrifice are the emotions which take humanity to great heights and form the core of its civilization and culture. A woman who is emotions personified along with her other necessities expects to see the smiling face of her husband when he returns to his house. This is one of her basic rights that has not been overlooked due to its importance by the religion of Islam and therefore it is enumerated as one of her rights over her husband.
Shahab Abdo Rabbeh relates that I asked Imam Sadiq (a.s.) concerning the rights of a woman over her husband. He (a.s.) answered,
“He should fulfill all her basic necessities and not terrorize her by becoming angry time and again. If he does this i.e. after fulfilling her needs, is kind and affectionate towards her, then I swear by God, he has fulfilled his wife’s rights.
Among the other rights which a woman enjoys over her husband is that he should sleep with her. This matter has been dealt in detail in the books of jurisprudence. Those who are interested can refer to Al-Kaafi, Wasaael al-Shiah, Mustadrak al-Wasaael and other books of traditions of the Ahle Bait (a.s.).
The importance of these rights can be gauged from the basic expectation of the wife that her husband treat her kindly and respectfully. He must give due importance to her rights and observe them. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) himself has endorsed this view by saying, “The best among you is the one who observes the rights of his wife in the best possible way and I am the best among you to observe the rights of my wives.”
The Importance of Helping One’s Wife in Domestic Works
One day the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) paid a visit to the house of Ameerul Momineen Ali Ibn Abi Taalib (a.s.) and Hazrat Fatemah Zahra (s.a.). He saw that Ali (a.s.) is sieving the pulses and Fatemah (s.a.) is busy cooking. On observing this the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) remarked,
“O Ali! I do not speak except what is revealed unto me. Anyone who helps his wife in her domestic affairs obtains a reward of one year of worship equal to the amount of hair on his body. This year of worship will be as if he has fasted during its day and prayed during its night. Allah will reward him equal to the reward of all the patient ones, Hazrat Dawood (a.s.) and Hazrat Eesa (a.s.).
In the same reference another tradition from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) is recorded as follows,
“O Ali! Whoever helps his wife and children in their domestic affairs and does not consider it as an obligation upon them, Allah will enumerate him among the martyrs. The reward of one thousand martyrs is written in his book of deeds (by the angels) each day and night. His one step bears the reward of one Hajj and one Umrah and he gets cities in paradise equal to the number of veins in his body.”
Again in Jaame’ al-Sa’adat, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) is reported to have said,
“One who stays in his house and helps his family members in their domestic affairs, his reward is better than the one who has worshipped Allah for one thousand years, performed one thousand Hajj, one thousand Umrah, released one thousand slaves, participated in one thousand battles along with the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.), visited one thousand patients, worshipped on one thousand Fridays, participated in one thousand funeral processions, fed one thousand hungry people, clothed one thousand beggars, distributed one thousand horses in the way of Allah, gave one thousand dinars (gold coins) to the poor, recited one thousand times each the Taurat, the Injeel and the Quran, freed one thousand prisoners and donated one thousand sheep to the poor. Whoever helps his family members in their house affairs sees his place in paradise before departing from this world.”
Ibn Abi Zarr al-Naraaqi narrates a tradition from the Messenger of Islam (s.a.w.a.) that he said,
“To serve one’s family members helps in erasing the capital crimes (Gunnahaan-e-Kabeera) and cools down the divine wrath. It acts as a dowry paid to the Huris, increases one’s good deeds and raises one in stages.
In the book Makaarem al-Akhlaq, one tradition is quoted from Imam as-Sadiq (as) on the authority of Is’haaq Ibn Ammar who says, I asked him (a.s.),”What is the right of a woman over her husband?” He (a.s.) replied,
“(It is his duty) to feed her, clothe her and if she commits some silly mistake or error, to forgive her.”
Hasan Ibn Abi al-Hasan Dailami (exp. 841 A.H.) in his book, Irshaad al-Qulub writes that the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said,
“Whoever beats his wife unnecessarily, I will be his enemy on the Day of Judgment.”
Therefore, one should never torture one’s wife, physically or otherwise, because whoever does so has violated the norms set by the Almighty Allah and His Messenger (s.a.w.a.).
The great traditionalist of the sixth century, Shaikh Abd al-Waahid al-Aamudi in his book Ghurar al-Hekam, narrates a tradition on the authority of Ameerul Momeneen Ali ibn Abi Talib (a.s.) who said,
“Certainly a woman is like a soft-toy; whoever takes her (marries her), should advise her.”
Sheikh Hurr al-Aameli in Wasaael al-Shiah narrates a tradition from the fourth Imam Zain al-Aabedeen Ali Ibn al-Husain (a.s.),
“Whoever makes the lives of his family members more comfortable and provides them more rest, he is worthy of maximum divine pleasure.”
In the same reference Imam Reza (a.s.) says,
“Every man should strive to make his wife and children comfortable according to his capacity. For, if he is strict and unkind to them and because their rights are being deprived, they will desire his death.”
The author of Makaarem al-Akhlaq narrates a tradition from Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) on the authority of Ibn Abbas that
“Whoever brings some gifts from the market for his family members enjoys the same status before Allah as the one who has helped the oppressed.”
Further explaining the method of distribution he (s.a.w.a.) says,
“First he should give to his daughters then to his sons. Whoever keeps his daughter happy will get a reward equal to the one who has freed a slave from the progeny of Hazrat-e- Ismail (a.s.) and whoever keeps his sons happy, his reward is like the one who has cried due to Allah’s fear and the reward of the one who cries due to His fear is Paradise full of bounties.”
Mirza Husain Noori (r.a.), the celebrated traditionalist of the last century (1254 – 1320 A.H), narrates a tradition from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) in his book Mustadrak al-Wasaael,
“Anyone who has been provided with bounties but is strict and miserly with his wife and children is not from us.”
Consequence of Ill-Behavior with Family Members
When Sa’d Ibn Maaz, a well-known companion of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) expired, he (s.a.w.a.) himself participated in the funeral procession and shouldered his bier quite a few times with considerable respect. Then, he (s.a.w.a.) laid it in the grave and buried him with his own hands. On seeing the zeal of the Prophet (s.a.w.a.) in performing the last rites of her son, the mother of Sa’d cried, “Congratulations, O son, on gaining paradise.” Hearing this, the Messenger of Islam (s.a.w.a.) retorted,
“Wait! Do not haste in divine affairs. Your son is in great agony and anguish at the moment.”
When the people enquired about the reason for this condition, he (s.a.w.a.) replied,
“He behaved badly with his family members.”
Husband’s Rights over his Wife
The rights of a husband over his wife are numerous. The most important among them is related to having conjugal relations with her. The duty of a wife is to submit herself before her husband. This right of the husband i.e. of having conjugal relations with his wife as and when he wants is obviously a reciprocation of her feelings. In absence of her husband, the duties of the wife include the protection of his rights, status, wealth and respect. She must not spend his wealth without his permission nor must she reveal his secrets. Rather, she should be his closest confidante.
She must not let anybody inside the house without his permission in his absence. For, doing so would lead to a lot of misunderstandings and have serious repercussions on their relationship. She must value his ideas, plans and provisions that he has prepared for her and other family members and obey him under all circumstances. She must not disobey him come what may, nor must she do anything that puts him off. Rather, she must try her best to attract his attention towards herself by which both of them can lead a life of great harmony.
Let us glance through a very important tradition from our fifth Imam, Imam Mohammad Baqir (a.s.) in this regard. One day a lady enquired from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) regarding the rights a husband enjoys over his wife. He (s.a.w.a.) answered,
“First and foremost is that she should obey him and refrain from disobedience. She must not donate anything from the house without his permission nor can she keep recommended fasts without his approval. She must NEVER deny him his physical rights nor deprive him of its pleasures. If she steps out of the house without his permission, the angels of the heaven and the earth, of wrath and mercy, curse her till she returns to her house.
The Importance of Obeying One’s Husband
The sixth Imam, Imam Sadiq (a.s.) says a group of people paid a visit to the Messenger of Islam (s.a.w.a.) and said, “O Prophet of God, we have seen such people who prostrate before each other.” The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) answered,
“If at all I could permit prostration before any creature except Allah, the Creator, I would have ordered the wives to prostrate before their husbands.”
In another tradition the Messenger of Islam (s.a.w.a.) said,
“A wife who serves her husband for seven days, Allah will seal for her the seven gates of hell and open for her the seven gates of paradise so the she may enter paradise from whichever gate she pleases.”
In the same reference, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) is reported to have said,
“A wife who gives her husband water to drink attains a reward of one year of worship, a year whose nights were passed in prayers and days in fasting. In exchange of one drop of water which she provides for her husband one city is built in paradise for her and sins of sixty years are forgiven.”
The author of Makaarem al-Akhlaq narrates on the authority of Imam Mohammad Baqir (a.s.),
“Certainly, Allah has made holy war obligatory on both men and women. The holy war of men is to protect the boundaries of Islam and Islamic states with their blood and wealth so that they may be killed in the way of Allah but the holy war of women is to be patient while facing the difficulties of life with their husbands.”
The same concept has been voiced in the following words,
“The holy war of women is to take proper care of her husband.”
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) once remarked,
“O Women! Whosoever among you is busy in arranging the domestic affairs, Allah willing, she will get the reward of Islam’s soldiers who are participating in a holy war.”
In yet another tradition the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said,
“A woman who goes out of her house without the permission of her husband becomes the target of divine curse till she returns to her house or her husband is satisfied with her.”
“A wife who does not converse with her husband with kindness and softly and demands from him something which he cannot fulfill, her fate will be such that no good deed will be accepted from her and Allah will express His wrath on her on the Day of Judgment.”
Strictures against Foul Language
The Holy Prophet of Islam (s.a.w.a.) has said,
“Any women who converses indignantly with her husband, thereby hurting his sentiments, none of her deeds either obligatory or recommended will be accepted from her until and unless her husband does not express his satisfaction with her. Even if this woman fasts during the days, prays during the nights, frees slaves or donates the best of horses in the way of Allah, she will be the first to enter hell-fire. Similar will be the fate of the husband who usurps the rights of his wife.
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) said,
“A woman who says to her husband, I have not seen any goodness from you till date all her actions will be rendered null and void.”
Lastly, to end this chapter, let us see the fate of that wife who does not sleep with her husband. The Messenger of Islam (s.a.w.a.) is reported to have said,
“Any woman who sleeps at a distance from her husband (i.e. is not next to him during the night) is cursed by the angels till morning sets in.”
Rights of Children
Among the most important factors of training children is love through which the elders of the family can attract the youngsters and command respect from them. For, the motivating factor for any association or relationship is love. Just as food is a necessity for the growth of body, love and affection are necessary for the growth of a family and training one’s children culturally and spiritually. Therefore, one should not neglect the importance and limits of love in the children’s upbringing. If one does not eat at all or indulges in excessive intake of food, then in either case he is bound to be affected by some physical problem or the other. Similarly, depriving children of love or pampering them (i.e. not caring what is good or bad for them and fulfilling all their demands) both are equally harmful and destructive for the training and upbringing of the children. As a result, some unexpected habits develop in them, which affect them psychologically. Those children who are showered with excessive and unregulated love will inevitably become self-centered and egoistic, while those who are deprived of parental love will suffer from an inferiority complex and a feeling of being left unprotected. Consequently, misfortune becomes their destiny and that is why the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) remarked,
“Love the children and be kind and merciful unto them.”
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) says,
“Whoever loves his children will be worthy of special divine mercy.”
In yet another tradition from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) it is said,
“Whoever kisses his children, Allah the Almighty writes one good deed in his records. Whoever makes his children happy Allah the Almighty will write a good deed in his records and will make him happy and joyous on the Day of Judgment.”
Ibn Abbas says, that the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) once remarked,
“Whoever makes his daughter happy is like the one who has freed one slave from the progeny of Hazrat Ismail (a.s.) and whoever makes his son happy is like the one who has cried due to fear of God.”
One of the most vital tasks in training children is to be just to them. It is necessary for the parents to deal with all the children with justice and equity and see to it that no feeling of oppression creeps in them because if they feel oppressed and tortured, they will develop an inferiority complex which will be very difficult to delete from their systems.
A person came to pay a visit to Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) along with his two sons. He kissed one and neglected the other. On seeing this unjust behavior, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) remarked,
“Do you not treat your children with equity? Deal justly and equally among your children as you expect them to be just to you.”
Recent psychological studies have proved that beating the children to inculcate some habit in them will not only make them obstinate and rigid in their approach but it will also hamper their overall development. Right from the beginning Islam has prohibited its followers from physically assaulting their children. Apart from the traditions that are found in this regard, we see that this topic has been among the discussions of our jurists who have issued edicts and formulated guidelines. For instance, according to many Mujtahids, if anyone slaps his children and they get a mark on their cheeks, then the parents have to pay a hefty amount of compensation for this undesired deed.
AllamaMajlisi in BehaarulAnwaar narrates a tradition,
“A person came to Imam Musal al-Kazim (a.s.) and complained regarding his son. Imam (a.s.) replied, “DO NOT BEAT HIM. Stop talking to him and that too should not be for a long time.”
From the above stated tradition we observe that Imam (a.s.) has prohibited his followers from beating the children and if anybody does so he will be disobeying the commands of the Ahl-e-Bait (a.s.).
According to the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.), a child enjoys three rights over his father:
1) He must select a good name for his child,
2) Educate him,
3) When he matures, the father should make provisions for his marriage.
The same idea has been voiced by our sixth Imam, Imam Sadiq (a.s.) when he said,
“Select good names for yourself, because you will be called on the Day of Judgment by these names.”
The Eighth Imam, Ali Ibn Moosa al-Reza (a.s.) says,
“Poverty shall never enter that house whose inhabitants bear the names of Muhammad, Ahmad, Ali, Hasan, Husein, Talib, Jafar or Abdullah (among men) and Fatemah among the women.”
Some Fiqhi Laws – A Discussion
Imam Muhammad Baqir (a.s.) says,
“Refrain from having sexual intercourse in places where an understanding child can see you and follows your action to such an extent that he can narrate to others what he has seen.”
The author of Wasaael al-Shiah narrates a tradition from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) that,
“By Allah! If an aware child sees a couple having sexual intercourse or listens to their talk or even hears their breathing sounds then such a child can never succeed in his life. Whether the child is a male or a female it will get involved in adultery at one stage or the other in his or her life.”
The Messenger of Islam (s.a.w.a.) says,
“When a girl reaches the age of six, she should not be kissed by any male. Similarly women should not kiss those boys who have crossed the age of seven.”
Imam Reza (a.s.) even goes to the extent of saying that when a girl crosses the age of six then no Na-Mehramshould make her sit in his lap.
The Holy Prophet of Islam (s.a.w.a.) admonished his followers to make their children sleep in different beds when they reach the age of understanding. He (s.a.w.a.) says,
“When your children reach the age of seven, make them sleep in different beds.
Some Important Reminders
As stated earlier a wife must devote her life for the well-being and development of her husband. She must provide him both physical as well as emotional support. Thus, if she makes herself up or wears good clothes, it should be solely for her husband and none else otherwise she will be subjected to divine curses and hell fire.
In this regard the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said to Hazrat Fatemah Zahra (s.a.),
“O Fatema! When a woman makes herself up, wears good clothes and steps out of her house to attract the attention of other men, the angels of seven heavens and seven earths curse her and she becomes close to the fire of Hell to such an extent that when she dies she will be straight away thrown in the Hell fire.”
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) says,
“If a women perfumes herself to attract the attention of other men, her prayers will not be accepted until and unless she washes herself of this perfume and this washing will be like that of Janaabat (the ritual both after an intercourse).”
On reading this tradition one can comprehend the intensity of the matter and realize the amount of corruption that will spread in the society if a woman adorns herself for other men. This is one of the primary reasons of the mayhem and chaos found in the world and the increasing number of rape cases reported.
The Incident of Me’raj
The chief of the faithful Ali Ibn Abi Taalib (a.s.) says,
“One day I and Fatemah paid a visit to the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) who began crying. I asked, “O Messenger of God (s.a.w.a.)! May my father and mother be sacrificed for you, what is the reason for your crying?” He (s.a.w.a.) replied, “O Ali! The night on which I went for Me’raj (ascension), I saw some women of my nation facing severe chastisement and I am crying for them. One was being hung by her hair and her head was boiling. The second one was eating the flesh of her own body and fire was burning beneath her. The third was being hung with her chest clenched. The fourth women’s legs were tied with her hands and snakes and pythons were making a feast out of her. The fifth one was deaf, dumb and blind and she was laid in a fire-case. Her brains were burning and melting through her nose and her body was being torn apart by leprosy and other similar diseases. Another woman had her legs burned by the hellfire. The seventh one I saw had her flesh being cut into pieces with scissors of fire. The eighth one’s face and hands were being burnt and she was eating her own burnt skin. Yet another woman had her face like a pig and her body like a donkey and she was subjected to thousands of different chastisements. The tenth one had her face like a bitch. Fire was being inducted from her rectum and extracted from her mouth and angels were constantly beating her on her head and face with sticks of fire.” Janabe Fatemah Zahra (s.a.) enquired, “O beloved father please inform us about the misdeeds or sins of these women for which they were subjected to such severe chastisement by the Almighty?” The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) answered, “O Fatemah! The woman who was being hung by her hair was the one who did not veil herself from the prohibited men. The one who was being hanged by her tongue was rude to her husband and tortured him by her talks. The one who was being hung by her chest was depriving her husband of conjugal rights and pleasures. The one who was being hung by her legs was stepping out of her house without her husband’s permission. The one who was eating her own flesh made herself up for other men. One whose hands and legs were tied together never purified her body and clothes. She never took the spiritual bath after her menstruation cycles or intercourse and considered namaz (prayers) to be insignificant. The one who was deaf, dumb and blind produced children out of adultery and claimed them to be of her husband. The one whose flesh was being cut with scissors of fire used to come before men in such a way that they be attracted towards her. The one whose face and body were being burnt and who was eating her burnt flesh was the source of meeting of prohibited boys and girls. The one whose face was like a pig and body like a donkey always lied and talked ill about others.
It is important to stress here that in today’s times our sisters should define their aims in life within the Islamic framework and should not attempt to transgress the laws of the Almighty Allah. They must not out of short sightedness exchange this transient world for the everlasting hereafter. If they ever step out of their houses it should be with the sole intention of working in the way of the Lord and serving the religion of Islam. For, it is Islam that provides the real pleasures to this otherwise static and monotonous life and takes human being beyond the narrow paths of this world into the wide valleys of spirituality and God-fearing nature.
Thus, the Islamic woman of today should not confine herself to her individuality but consider herself to be responsible for tomorrow’s society. As George Bernard Shaw remarked, “If you train a man, you train a man; but if you train a woman, you train a family.”
And the last call is this, “All praise belongs to Allah, the Lord of the worlds.”
 Surah Noor (24): Verse 32
 Makaarem al-Akhlaq by Sheikh Tabarsi (r.a.)
 Mustadrak al-Wasaael by Mirza Husain Noori (r.a.), vol. 2, p. 531
 Surah Aal-e-Imraan (3): Verse 82
 Surah Baqarah (2): Verse 223
 Surah Nahl (16): Verse 72
 Surah Rome (30): Verse 21
 Makaarem al-Akhlaq
 Furoo al-Kaafi, Vol. 5, p. 337
 Surah Baqarah (2): Verse 187
 Mustadrak, Vol. 2, P. 531
 Mustadrak, Kitaab al-Nikaah, H. 16331
 Mustadrak al-Wasaael, Vol. 2, p. 531, H. 16358
 Wasaael al-Shiah, Kitaab al-Nikaah, H. 24921
 Furoo al-Kaafi, Vol. 5, p. 327
 Wasaael al-Shia, Vol. 5, p. 1
 La’ali al-Akhbaar
 La’ali al-Akhbaar
 Jaame’ al-Akhbaar
 Behaar al-Anwaar, Vol. 23, p. 54
 Jaafariyaat: p. 9
 Wasaael al-Shiah, Vol. 5, p. 10
 Wasaael al-Shiah, Vol. 5, p. 9
 La’ali al-Akhbaar
 Al-Kaafi by Shaikh Muhammad Ibn Yaqoob al-Kulaini (r.a.)
 Man laa Yahzoroh al-Faqeeh by Shaikh Muhammad Ibn Ali Ibn Husain Ibn Baabway al-Qummi, famous as Sadooq (r.a.)
 Jaame’ al-Sa’adat, Vol. 2, p. 142
 Jaame’ us Saadaat
 Ghurar al-Hekam, H. 9369
 Wasaael al-Shiah, vol. 21, p. 514, H. 27728 The Chapter of Recommendation of buying gifts for children and beginning with girls
 Makaarem al-Akhlaq
 Makaarem al-Akhlaq
 Irshaad al-Qulub
 Makaarem al-Akhlaq
 Makaarem al-Akhlaq
 Nahj al-Fasaahah, p. 36
 Al-Kaafi, vol. 6, p. 49, H. 3
 Al-Kaafi, vol. 6, p. 49, H. 1
 Wasaael al-Shiah, vol. 21, p. 514, H. 27728 The Chapter of Recommendation of buying gifts for children and beginning with girls
 Behaar al-Anwaar, vol. 101, p. 92, H. 16 Chapter of The Excellence of Children, the Reward of Training them and its Method
 Behaar al-Anwaar, vol. 101, p. 99, H. 74 Chapter 2 narrating from Uddah al-Daaee of Ibn Fahd al-Hilli (r.a.), p. 89
 Al-Kaafi, vol. 6, p. 19, H. 8 Chapter of Names and Agnomens
 Wasaael al-Shiah, vol. 5, p. 29
 Behaar al-Anwaar, vol. 23, p. 114
 Behaar al-Anwaar, Vol. 18, p. 45